{5 motivational speeches i HATE}

motivational speech: a message written to convince listeners that they can succeed.

i don't mean to be a debbie downer, but i have to tell you this: there are certain motivational speeches that are on my little list of pet peeves, and they seem to be everywhere lately, and my eyes are rolling almost out of their sockets and my forehead hurts. {from all the scrunching and scratching and eye-rolling.} they don't need a lot of preamble or explanation, so i'm almost just giving them to you straight. if you disagree, that's cool. i bet pet peeves are called pet peeves because if everyone shared them, they would be called communal peeves or shared peeves or something like that, and would include things like war and nickelback. but the point is not that.

5 MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES I HATE

1. follow this simple diet/plan/exercise regimen/drink this/don't eat that/whatever and you can lose 20 pounds and have a flat belly and look like a swimsuit model.  {if we all had the same exact body type, metabolism, schedule, genes, and access to cheap, fresh food and a gym, sure. maybe.}

2. don't care about what other people think about you. {to an extent, sure. but there's also something to be said for being respectable & respecting yourself, not riling people up over stupid stuff, having a reputation for being trustworthy, kind, etc. others' opinions shouldn't consume you, but i think it's good and even healthy to consider how you're presenting yourself to them.}

3. you can wear whatever you want as long as you wear it with confidence, and you'll look great. {i've read this on more than a few blogs. it kind of goes with number 1. there are certain people who can wear whatever they want and it looks great. the whole dressing like a little girl/grandmother thing that's in style right now? when i try to do that, i look like i'm actually a little girl or a grandmother, no matter how much confidence i go out with. THE TRUTH.}

4. the only thing that matters is that you love yourself. {do you know what kind of chaos would ensue in a kindergarten classroom if you told the kids that? do you really think it changes that much as we grow up? i feel like, growing up, i heard over and over, "the world doesn't revolve around you, suzy." and now as an adult i keep hearing, "it's all about you and your feelings and your rights, etc." confusing.}

5. follow your dreams. don't go where the path leads; go instead where there is no path and blaze a trail. shoot for the moon; if you miss you'll land among the stars! BE NOT NOBODY! LIVE, LAUGH, DREAM! cheese. shoosh.

in short, a lot of motivational speeches are like hot chocolate made completely out of chocolate syrup warmed up in the microwave. i prefer mine made with milk and cocoa and a little, tiny bit of sugar, because a little sweetness is good, but too much sugar rots your teeth out and makes you fat.

'nuff said.

do you have some loathable lines that you've been fed via the internet, magazines, or people? please share.