{waiting for barclay to come home}

I am almost sure that I'm dreaming lately. All of the time. I mean, really: how could I tell one way or the other? Because the things that happen in dreams are happening now. And they're happening so matter-of-factly that I almost don't recognize them for what they are, which is a very dream-like quality in and of itself.

But I think that when life feels the most surreal, that's when I stop and realize that even the fact that I'm breathing is a little bit strange. Isn't it though? The biggest, most important thing that you'll ever do is more happening to you than by you. And if it were to stop this instant, you couldn't help it; you would barely even realize it.

Because you'd be dead.

You're incredibly helpless and pathetic, you know that?