{awards and stuff}

I woke up this morning with the flu, so it's 10 something AM and I'm sitting here in my pyjamas hardcore glaring at my coffee because I want it so bad but every sip turns my stomach like a washing machine on the hurricane cycle. The only reason I'm not going back to bed is that I'm waiting to find out who made the shortlist in the Canadian Weblog Awards.

In my high school growing up, we had this awards ceremony at the end of every year called Colour Night, and it was basically my most and least favourite night of the year. Most before, least after.

It started in grade seven. I went to my first ever Colour Night, thinking that I might get an award. For my part in the school play, for being a nice person, for my good grades, for having a good attitude during volleyball games, I don't know. Something. My class had 17 kids in it, the grade above me had 6. Chances seemed good. And what 12 year-old doesn't want a trophy?

But, you know, the athletics awards only went to the kids who were actually athletic, and even though I was pulling off 90s on my tests, there were these two girls and one guy who were just that much more studious, and the nice person award went to my sister and the drama awards went to the older kids who actually had speaking parts.

I wasn't totally discouraged. Next year, probably.

But I went through the whole of high school going to every single Colour Night and never getting called up on the stage once except for a participation medal here or there. Which was fair enough since I completely gave up on even trying partway through grade 10. My volleyball coach told me I sucked and my baseball coach told my mom I sucked and my basketball coach didn't put me on the court even once the whole season, and I submitted a yearbook cover but they used someone else's and I completely choked on the night of the school play, and my grades went down like a sunken ship and even though I tried to be a nice person, they kept giving that award to my sister.

{She seriously is a nice person, though. DESERVING.}

I'm not whining, because it's not a big deal; I have since learned that recognition and praise from others isn't the most important. It isn't even important at all if you're not living your life in pursuit of it, and if you understand what actually gives your life value and meaning.

However.

They are still fun to get. Plus they let you know when you're on the right track in some area or another. Not a bad thing.

The results just came in. Yes. Made the list. 

Going to bed.